7/31/2023 0 Comments Rod buster inspector jobsWho would suspect an institution called ‘Sallie Mae,’ an institution that sounds like a character from the Beverly Hillbillies, to behave in such a rankly predatory manner? If there were truth in advertising at all, Sallie Mae would be called “Maggie Mae” or “Mrs. And some of you might have been if you could have just gotten that guy to buy beer for you again. A contract you’d need an MBA in Finance–or a lawyer–to fully understand, one you understood so little you might as well have been drunk when you signed it. I’m talking about a document that stands a pretty good chance of rendering you an indentured servant for a couple of decades. My point is that somewhere in the long list of Nixon’s dickiest tricks was his role in giving birth to Sallie Mae, putting this fine nation on the path to the predatory system we have today, one in which young people three years from being able to walk into a 7-11 and legally buy a pack of cigarettes or six-pack of beer, now routinely engage in a legit pre-frontal-lobe-coming-of-age ritual, signing off on documents and coerced into impossible decisions that will have critical implications for their long term financial, marital, reproductive, mental, and physical health. Because Nixon was a Quaker–albeit, one who, if there were any justice in the world, would have been tried at Nuremberg alongside Henry Kissinger for war crimes in Viet Nam, Laos, and Cambodia, Chile, and East Timor. And if so, you know why his nickname was “Tricky Dickie.” And for those of you who didn’t see it, I’m asking you to please take your minds out of the gutter. Mes amis, you might know a little bit about Nixon and something called “Watergate” from watching HBO’s The White House Plumbers. Sallie Mae was the love child of Richard Nixon, banking and high finance. Treasury money to buy government-backed student loans from banks.” Sallie Mae, “transitioned to a fully privatized bank lender between 19,” and per The Nation, “as the largest lender it now sets the trends and standards for the industry.” The relationship of which I speak is, of course, your union with the student debt finance sector, a sprawling network with roots in the Student Loan Marketing Association, otherwise known as “Sallie Mae.” Sallie Mae was the first private company or “ government-sponsored enterprise (GSE) empowered… to use U.S. One that may well outlive your first marriage (especially given the considerable stress it will place on it), possibly both your parents, one of your siblings, and certainly a succession of furry friends with names like Lassie, Old Yeller, and Ben. One that will challenge you to open not simply your mind, and your heart, but your whole self–by which I mean, of course, your wallet.īecause, brothers and sisters–and all manner of queer kin alike–when many of you were in knee pants, you signed on the dotted line and agreed to enter into what may well be the most enduring relationship of your life. But I trust that the fact that this university is entirely fictional will render my lapse in civility more forgivable.īut here I stand, poised to greet you, as you close one chapter–or at least a subsection, paragraph or clause–and embark on a fresh, new journey. And many more of you will no doubt question whether I merit the honor of addressing this sea of exuberant young faces, given, especially, that no one invited me. No doubt some will question whether I merit the honorary degree with which I’ve just now been presented. The Transcript of My Imaginary Commencement Address at Milgram State University on the Topic of Student Debt
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